Reflecting the new normal

There’s an odd essence to what we describe as normal. As a human being, we are always made to adapt, and the time is no different right now. Some degree of adaptation means inviting chaos for some folks. You can be at peace at home but you can never be at peace with yourself. Add to that, the burdening pressure, of social realities, and the mental turmoil within yourself to maintain the swinging bridge of relationships. The digital presence is at its peak, and all of that adds up to varying forms of discomfort. And from my experience in the age of the internet, the reactions have never been more abnormal. The mental discomfort is evident, people are more reactionary and I don’t count myself out of it. I’ve been blunt several times over the last nine months. To sum up my mental health trajectory, I would only add one thing. I could finish a book in a day back in April but now I can’t even go through five pages without losing concentration. I feel burnt out. There’s a sense of things falling apart, and although I’ve got everything I need at my disposal, the experience does only get bitter with each passing day. It’s only been a few months since I was prescribed to not take antidepressants anymore. But the disjointed feeling is coming back now, thanks to the pandemic. Part of it has been the repression of my emotions, and I don’t own up to the fact that I could be a weeping mess. I’ve been all over the place since past few months, and I feel like expressing is the least of things I could get away with. Often, I speak too much without thinking about it, it has got me in trouble several times, and I can’t help but identify with the negative emotions. It’s a natural thing to do right? Beat yourself down when you’re feeling down. My motto has always been take it as it comes. Despite being a perfectionist, I never had a proper routine. I only looked at small things, and how I could improve them. Without realising it, I lost the grasp of the big picture, and the grasp of myself. I didn’t plan to write this, but if I went to bed now, I would be calling back all the negative emotions. I’ve always had trouble falling asleep, it doesn’t mean I’m insomniac, it’s just that I indulge with my fantasies too much. But the troubling part has been the lost sense of imagination for me, I feel like I could get away with anything had I not lost it. It’s always helped me stay relatively comfortable with myself. The intuition, non-existent now, is also a major factor. Things that I used to pre-meditate for, now come as a surprise. It’s not an easy feeling, having to factor with all of this and still go about as your everyday business. I’ve been asked to open up more times than I can remember. I often hold myself back from reaching out, although I have reached out several times, because I can read between the lines and blur out the boundaries. I don’t want anyone to sympathize with me or my feelings but I want you to have a concern about your mental well being and of those around you. Times are hard, and we are all having to deal with it, and may the light shine soon enough. I want you to be more kinder to each person you meet and interact with. Kindness is still the best policy. It goes a long way. If you are feeling discomfort, you can reach out to me, your person or write it down. Express it. Don’t gulp it down.